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David Bowie once asked if
there was life on mars. The question has occupied the minds of scientists
and learned men for centuries, and the spate of unsuccessful missions to
the red planet have done little to dampen this curiosity.
Neither has the increasingly-less recent film 'Mission to Mars', which
revealed that Mars is populated by a computer-generated apparition of
Mr Burns from 'The Simpsons'.
However, I believe that alien life may well exist much closer to home
- in bubbles. Overlooked by NASA, the classic mid-80's arcade game 'Bubble
Bobble' posited the theory that life might exist within bubbles - stunted,
overly-cute life, but life nonetheless. Various sequels and follow-ups
(most noticeably the 'Puzzle Bobble' series) have furthered this theory,
and although the games offer precious few specifics as to the lifestyle
of bubble-dwellers, the idea itself is intoxicating. Can we communicate
with these creatures? What are they like? Are they nice?
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A ship to Mars |
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Of course, these games are not reality, something which is
important to remember. However much 'Bubble Bobble' reflects the real
world (and it is closer to 'real-life' than most people would care to
admit) it is still a fantasy, and any bubble-dwelling life contained
within the boundaries of its carefully-delineated abstraction are
themselves abstract.
To see if the lessons of 'Bubble Bobble' can be applied to the real world,
I have decided to conduct an experiment. Understandably lacking real bubbles,
I shall substitute a chunky pint-glass, one which has recently contained
slightly less than 500 ml of Pepsi Max. Later on it might be used as a
receptacle for pistachio shells and/or spoons, such is the versatility
of the mug.
'Hello', I ask the glass. It jumps, but says nothing. I find that, by
looking through the bottom of the glass, the world appears much as it
did to the Martian visitors in an old science-fiction film, the name of
which I have forgotten, although it was in 3D and was written by Ray Bradbury,
and the Martians (who, come to think of it, might have been from further
afield than Mars) turned out to be good sorts in the end.
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A pint of kung-fu |
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What does this experiment prove? Nothing.
Although, at first glance, it would appear that the experiment is based on
shaky theoretical grounds, it is equally possible that the life-forms
contained within bubbles are extremely taciturn. Furthermore, it is
possible that this particular bubble (glass) is uninhabited, or that the
life-forms are effusive, and, being spread over a large area, would
require me to shout at immense volume. Perhaps they do not speak
English?
'Bonjour', I ask the glass. It does not respond. 'Guten tag', I ask. No
response.
Silly idea, really. Aliens speak English.
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Some English |
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