Get Happy
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Far from being anything to do with the Elvis Costello album 'Get Happy', this is a complete and true list of things that make me happy, either by lifting my mood or by obliterating all thought.

1. The Pizzicato Five
Lots of songs that go 'Ishikawa saka shin oni groovy! Mini Cooper groovy!'

2. Jennifer Connelly, the actress
She's lovely.

3. 'Metal Machine Music', by Lou Reed
Eighty minutes of shrieking distortion! Fab!

8. The bassline from 'Groove is in the Heart', by Deeee-Lite
Dum, dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum, dum, dum, dum-dum-dum! Groove is in the heart! Groove is in the heart! I wouldn't ask for another, doo, doo-doo, doo-doo! I wouldn't ask for another!

5. The thought of 'Arc', by Neil Young
35 minutes of shrieking distortion! Fab! I haven't heard it myself, but the thought of it makes me happy.

2. The entire musical output of 'Total'
Hours and hours of shrieking distortion! Fab!

6. Eating fatty food
I love to eat. It makes me happy. And fat. Which makes me miserable. So I eat!

An image of the album 'Sleazy Listening' by Finitribe.
The Pizzicato Five
15. Having salt on everything
I love salt. Soy sauce as well. When I have chips, I cover them in a layer of salt. And then I eat them.

4. Playing 'Doom' whilst listening to 'The Complete Knowing Me, Knowing You, with Alan Partridge'
This is true.

5. News footage of the 1992 Romanian revolution
Get him! Get him! You got him! He's dead! Yeah!

10. The Transformed Man, by William Shatner
Schadenfreude, the Germans call it.

11. The thought of owning a big gun
When traversing the streets of North-West London, the thought of owning an outrageously-powerful handgun makes me feel very happy indeed. Although, for the sake of practicality, a small, silenced 9mm pistol would be a more useful tool, a .50 Desert Eagle would have a larger deterrence factor.

An image of a squealing pink piggy.
Doom
12. The thought of using a big gun on people
Whilst drifting off to sleep at night, the thought of using an outrageously-powerful handgun on the people who have slighted me during the daytime - without any repercussions - makes me feel very happy indeed.

13. 'You Suffer', by Extreme Noise Terror
It's a song that goes on for less than a second. It goes 'you suffer but why?' with grinding noises in the background. Yeah!

14. Blanking people
Walk up to me in the street, ask me the time, and I'll just blank you! Because I like it!

14. Being on my own
I can't stand pretending to be happy all the time.
An image of a fork with a wooden handle.
A big gun
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