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I think that
the Government should have salesmanship classes for homeless people. In
a way, homeless people are like models, or spokespeople - they're selling
a product, and the product is themselves. Most homeless people are awful
in that respect. They just slump down on the ground with a hat on the
floor in front of them. That's no way to generate an income. It shows
a lack of respect for the 'customers', and a lack of initiative.
1. Take a cue from the world of
television and/or the cinema. For example, pretend to be 'Father Jack'
from 'Father Ted'. Sit down whilst shouting 'Drink!', 'Feck!' and
'Gurls!'. Not only is this quite amusing, it's also honest - although the
money you make will probably not be enough to secure the heart of a nice
lass, you're bound to spend the money you make on drink, if only to take
the misery away.
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Father Ted |
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2. Make friends with a second homeless
person and become a comedy double-act. Tell jokes. 'My dog has no nose!',
'Really, how does he smell?', 'Almost as bad as me!'
3. Make
friends with several thousand other homeless people and form your own
society and economy. Petition the government to let you have some land,
and farm it. Soon you'll create your own nation, and in a hundred years
you'll eventually have homeless people of your own!
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Money of the Nation of England |
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4. Get a
job, perhaps as a young artist. On the other hand, it would be a cliche to
exhibit yourself, and you might find it hard to penetrate the upper
echelons of young artistry as, although young artists pride themselves on
being normal, everyday folk (but with strikingly original fashion sense),
they are not. As a genuine homeless person your concerns may appear to be
too close-to-the-bone for the superficial world of modern art. People will
think that you're really being serious, and not ironically witty. Compare,
for example, the critical reception of Carter USM with that of
Blur.
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