I was horrified recently when I discovered that Robert A. Heinlein was dead. 'What on earth could have killed him?', I thought. Then I discovered that he had died in 1988, the year of acid house, and it was obvious. Robert A. Heinlein was killed by dance music. At 81 years of age, his frail body must have been unable to cope with the wild gyrations of such hits as 'Beat Dis' by Bomb the Bass and 'Pump up the Volume' by M/A/R/R/S. He danced his way into the grave, killed by an Akai S900. Could it be coincidence that the Soviet Union dissolved only a year later? All those big bouncy beats had built up such force than not even an evil empire could withstand their awesome power. It was a mixed blessing. The same ecstatic vibrations that led to the elevation of David Icke to god-hood tragically destroyed any chances Dan Quayle had of being taken seriously. That and a lesbian cabal led by Ellen DeGeneres, damn her. He was the last, best hope for world peace, and the forces of darkness turned him into a laughing-stock. Who was to know that 'Potatoe' is Latin for 'Redeemer'? His hand opened up, and we could see teeth lurking between his knuckles. Teeth that were poised to strike down the enemies of the free market, teeth that were made rotten by the hormonal imbalances of a sickened minority of deviants. How dare they interfere with government in this fashion. How dare they.

Still, changing tack, one has to presume, therefore, than both Arthur C. Clarke and Isaac Asimov were made of sterner stuff. Perhaps Clarke's Englishness saved him. Dance music was invented in England, after all, and his body would have been attuned to the pulsing oscillations of acid. As for Asmiov, after surviving the initial push, he eventually fell victim to the 'Teenage Mutant Ninja / Hero Turtles' in 1992. A damned shame, if I do say so myself.

I suspect that Ronald Reagan was brought low by 'intelligent drum and bass', but I need to do more research.

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