The Phowls
The following is a series of extracts from Peter Greenaway's obscure 1978 classic 'The Phowls', a unique film consisting of ninety-two interviews with people who have survived a traumatic experience involving computer games.

8. "So there I was, banged up, but I wasn't too worried 'cause I'd been in prison before. I knew what to do. So... later on, when the guards put out the lights and we were supposed to be asleep, I stood up against the outside wall, the wall leading to the outside - we were on the ground floor, which was lucky - and I stood there, and then I forced myself to lie down, and as I did so I tried to push forwards against the wall, but it didn't work. So I tried it again, I stood there, and then I lied... lay down on the floor whilst wriggling and a bit and, won't you know it? I was outside. Pop. I just seemed to pop out through the wall. So I scarpered, sharpish."

15. "The thing you've got to remember is that, even with GPS and modern equipment, caving can still be... very dangerous, you know? Radio won't do you much good when you're, you're a hundred feet under the ground, all that earth above you. I remember that there was this one time, when there was another, fellow from another team, and he... he was apparently a professional but he must have got into difficulties because the next thing we knew we heard that he had touched a bush. And... and he died. He made this odd 'peeeeow' noise. It was very sad. One of the men who, afterwards, went to get him, almost touched some water, but he jumped out of the way at the last... at the last second. It was very sad."

19. "I remember the last time I saw my brother. It's as if it was yesterday. I can still see his face. He looked puzzled. We were exploring an old castle out in the countryside, and we came upon a dark room. We had a torch, and we shone the torch into the room, and we examined the room, but the batteries ran out. And then he walked into the room. The people in the ambulance said that he had fallen and broken his neck. But... it can't be! It was an empty room. A north-south passage with another passage leading off to the east. The floor was unremarkable. There was a yellow key. I don't know what happened."

25. "We were walking through town, I think John was looking for a toilet, I don't know what it was. But anyway, we were walking through town and then suddenly John looked a bit surprised and then he fell straight through the ground! Which was sad. So I just walked out of town and walked back again and there he was, right as rain. Turns out that there wasn't any earth or soil down there, the whole earth is just hollow, and he fell for a few hundred feet before the air pressure killed him. But he's okay now. The second time we tried it we were fine. I don't know what happened."

"He made this odd 'peeeeow' noise."
34. "So, we knew that there were five terrorists, and they had the hostages tied up in room 31. The Israelis wanted to handle the situation themselves but, of course, the government said no. And so the team got ready, and there was still twenty minutes to go until the deadline, and we sent them in. And nothing. Not a thing. We didn't hear any shots, the team didn't answer. The deadline came and went. Luckily we managed to negotiate an extension. We sent out a squad of policemen to see what had happened, and there was this incredible sight - the team had reached the first door, and they must have been arguing about how to open it because they were all standing there, pulling the door, but it wouldn't open because they weren't moving back far enough for it to open, they were just standing there with the door open, just a crack. It was madness. One of the policemen nudged them and they were okay after that. Fortunately there were no more closed doors on the route."

67. "Man, it was great in those days. Nowadays the cars have grooved tyres and the tracks have shorter straights because there were a lot of accidents, but I think that an element of risk, you know? We knew what we were getting into. Back in the day I used to come up to this corner, you can just see where it was nowadays, if you look you can see the edge of the track, and anyway I'd come up to the left-hander and usually there'd be another guy to my right, so I had a trick, right, where I'd use him as a kind-of speed brake, I'd just drive into him and it slowed me down and he'd wobble a bit but I'd get round the corner. It was because the cars couldn't take any damage because they were all real cars, you know? Other races, we had fake cars, cars that looked a bit like real cars, and you could smash them into bits and you had to be careful.

89. "It wasn't a very nice job at all, but somebody had to do it - you know, they say that in the old Westerns, don't they? 'A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do'. Anyway, he had to slaughter the pigs, and I mean in those days we couldn't afford proper equipment, so he had to do it the hard way. He used to line them up, in a line, and then he'd run up to the front of the line and jump on the pig at the front, and the pig would leap up into the air and fall over, and then he'd just bounce all the way down the line. It was best that way. He said it was better than using fireballs."

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"I'd just drive into him and it slowed me down and he'd wobble a bit"

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